In the Negative

**This was written a few years back. It's a little confusing because it doesn't attempt to describe a person using descriptions and facts that characterizes them, but rather what does not. This is a VERY rough draft that was written to play around with this technique of writing! What do you think? Is it confusing? A useful technique? Did you try it? When I use this technique in the future, I think I'll use it in moderation instead of doing an entire description like this...**

He wasn't five foot nine, tall, dark or handsome. He hated to read, write, cook and despised taking long walks on the beach because he hated to watch the sun rise. He never knew how to describe himself because he didn't realize he couldn't stand looking in the mirror. He abhorred the color green, regardless of whether that included the trees, the grass, the leaves or weeds. He didn't care that green wasn't the color of his house or that his mom had never owned a green hat, because to tell you the truth, he wasn't even sure he didn't hate the color green.

He was repulsed by ponds and hated watching fish as they didn't swim around lazily in circles. He loathed putting his feet into the water and dangling it around. He couldn't endure sunny days, a warm wind, or a good night's sleep. He couldn't tolerate his family, bear his friends, and detested bubble baths. He didn't hate the smell of fresh bread that floated in through his open window on Sunday mornings because he never opened his window since he wasn't afraid he would get a nice draft of fresh air. He didn't wear black nor did he not comb his hair. In fact, it was just about impossible to find a bottle of hair gel in his hands because he never had any in his hair. He didn't like to wear cologne because he didn't like to smear it on. He did not prefer to spray it on, even though he never rubbed it on either.

He never called his girlfriend because he had never had one. When deciding how long to go to school, he had decided to not go to graduate school because he had simply never been interested in any occupation that required so many years of formal education. He never knew when it was Thursday but that never prevented him from not eating chicken on such an unhappy day. He didn't even let the smell of chicken reach his nostrils and since he never discriminated he didn't care whether the chicken was fried, baked, grilled, broiled, steamed or raw because he had never had chicken noodle soup. From the age of five he had never scrunched his eyes and had concluded that it was useless to walk briskly which is why he chose to never walk slowly. It wasn't his destiny to never scrub behind his ears and he had deemed it unnecessary to examine his own thoughts because there was no point in examining  thoughts when he didn't like to think. When he chose not to go to his high school reunion he decided he hated people that talked a lot because he didn't like to listen to them. And because he didn't like to listen to people he hated people that were good listeners because he didn't like to talk. His favorite pastime was not getting the mail as long there was mail for him. But if he didn’t have any mail then his favorite past time was replaced with tirelessly getting the mail.

One time his friend had called him and asked him if he wanted to go see a movie and even though he didn't like to see movies he hated sitting still even more so he had had the unfortunate experience of not turning down his friend.