Abandoned beginnings- Random Unfinished Snippets

1/31/08

The flame of happiness burns inside me, melting the candle of my sorrow as soon as it forms, reducing it to atomic slivers of hardened wax. My inexplicable euphoria courses through my veins, leaving me helpless, unable to wipe the grin that repeatedly materializes onto my face. In this state I am unable to fathom despair, unhappiness, or hatred. The only feelings that exist in my world are joy, love, and peace. Sometimes I wonder if my bliss will come crashing down around me, like a sudden summer thunderstorm, striking all that I hold dear, reducing it to senseless rubble. Fortunately thoughts like these are immediately slain into insignificant subatomic particles, swirling around inside of me like the vivid orange, yellow, and red leaves of deciduous trees in the fall, only to be blown away by a strong burst of cheer. Crammed inside of me is a relentless chortle, that when released roars like a tiger in feisty pursuit of its prey. Seduced by everyday events around me, I glean joy from other people’s happiness, abandoning my sorrow in dark corners to ensure it vanishes forever—without first contaminating others. My entire perspective on life has morphed. I see color where before there was none; I feel warmth when all I felt before was coldness (I see hope where before there was none?). I savor the lone ray of sunlight that dances over my sleeping soul in the morning, gently prying me awake. I hunt for the breeze that has the perfect amount of force to tousle my hair, running through my shiny black strands with as much ease and familiarity as a lover. I engulf the tangy flavor of delight an orange brings to my tongue, the juicy bulbs exploding like water balloons against the roof of my mouth. I cherish the extravagant sunsets, the exuberant colors stampeding the stagnant blue sky, infusing the drab blueness with rich hues of violet, saffron-yellow, and red.

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His hands trailed over the picture, tracing every crinkle and fold, furiously stroking them as if his fervent hand motions could bring her back from the dead. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that such thoughts were ridiculous, but he chose to ignore that rational part of him, and instead believe that remembering her, immortalizing her by infusing her into every aspect of his life might make her return...

2/18/2011

Sometimes I’m stunned by the perseverance and vulnerability I see around me. People are so needy. They need someone to listen to them and at the same time they can be broken so easily that it is scary. But then there are others that are so good at dusting themselves off and getting right back up. There are broken marriages, relationships, disabilities, war, abuse, and yet we as a human race keep striving, and moving forward. It never ceases to amaze me. 

4/24/08

I’ve pondered for hours why addicts are unable to realize the magnitude of their situation. As they steal from their parents, lie to their friends, and run from lenders. How can a person reach such a low point in their life? When the whole world is telling them they are wrong, why can’t they believe it? Why are they blinded to the severity of their situation? Why can’t they comprehend that normal people don’t drink half a keg of alcohol or smoke marijuana by the bucket full? And every time, during these intense musings of mine, I begin to wonder. What if I too, like these drug addicts am blinded to some negative aspect of my life. How is a person supposed to know when they are on the right track or not?